Bedtime Stories
A Column by Todd Weber

"Best Of" the First Few Days of the Year 2000, the 21st Century and Third Millennium

[Earlham, Iowa, 1/6/2000] - With the end of a year, a century and a millennium all coming at once last month, we were all treated to a multitude of entertaining and enjoyable "Best Of," "Worst Of" and "All-Time" lists. From "Best Albums" to "Greatest Athletes," and from "Best Jumping Frogs" to "Best Piece of Etiquette," there was virtually no subject left uncovered. I actually made a top ten list that I found in a local paper; I placed fifth in the category of "1999's Best Unknown Writers From Central Iowa With Receding Hairlines and Plymouths."

To keep the fun of list-mania going, I am offering up some random sports and entertainment "best-of" picks for the first week or so of the new year, century and millennium. Given that there are only a few days to work with, some categories were a little light on candidates. But it was still a turbulent, memorable week worthy of contemplation and reflection.

Best Album: I'm not sure anything new has been released yet. So my pick here is the disk I've spun the most this week, Lee Roy Parnell's "Every Night's a Saturday Night," even though it was released in 1997.

Best Movie: Again, there are no new releases yet, and I haven't been to a movie in a theater since "Forrest Gump." The nod here goes to "Jeremiah Johnson," which was on cable the other night.

Best Book: Same problem. I'll have to go with a classic; Webster's New World Dictionary. A close second goes to the latest Victoria's Secret catalog. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a "minimizer bra."

Best Football Team: The Green Bay Packers. They failed to make the playoffs and canned their coach, but they sure looked good beating Arizona 49-24 in the last week of the season.

Best Football Game: Had I not been assaulted with incredibly crass advertising gimmicks every other play, and had my cable not gone out in the fourth quarter, the national championship game between Florida State and Virginia Tech would have been the easy pick here. So after I took a Leinenkugel Urination Break and a Chevrolet Park My Wife's Car in the Garage Moment, I returned to my desk for another Gateway Interface Session and gave the nod to the Packers/Cardinals game.

Band with the Best Fans: Nine Inch Nails. The calculated acts of terrorism Nails fans brought upon Pandemonium over a bad record review were cruel and a little frightening, but such dedication proves them to be a most dedicated and inventive bunch. But God help the concert-goer who might ever lob a cat-call at the band.

Best Band: Nine Inch Nails. I've never actually listened to this band, but considering what their fans are capable of, I thought I'd better list them here.

Best Concert: Slipknot at Super Toad in Des Moines. I wasn't there and haven't talked to anyone who was, but I'm sure these home town boys were up for the occasion. A close second goes to my three-year-old daughter Kristen for her rendition of "Dude Look Like a Lady" on New Year's Day.

Worst Name For a Venue: Super Toad, Des Moines.

Cutest Couple: Jennifer Lopez and Puff Daddy. If they ever get married, will Lopez be known as Jennifer Daddy or Puff Jenny?

Worst Word: Millennium. Like "potable" during the floods of '93, I was glad to learn a fun, new word due to a newsworthy event. But when used car dealers were routinely dropping "millennium" into their radio ads, its time had come and gone. If Y2K was actually a word, this category would have been a dead heat.

[Editor's Note: No Beatles were harmed in the creation or posting of this column.]

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Also by Todd Weber:

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