Summer's
Here, and the Time is Right
Am I the only
one who thought Summer would never freakin'
get here? As recently as the first week of
June, I was shivering in the cold as I walked
through Greenwich Village, bundled up in my
leather jacket with gloves on my tiny hands.
Now that the temperature is breaking 70
degrees for the first time in 8 months, I'm
armed with a hardcore Summer wardrobe and a
$600 air conditioner. You won't hear me
complain about any heat or humidity, cause
Summer rocks. I can't wait to start sweating!
To me, Summer
means special things: painted toenails,
showing off my tattoos, cookouts in the yard,
street fairs, vacations and really high Con
Ed bills. But mostly, Summer means bad ass
parties of all kinds and, yes, dancing in the
streets...or clubs, whatever. Coincidentally,
Nick at Nite Records has just released this
fabulous collection of dance songs,
appropriately entitled Dancing at the Nick at
NiteClub. And when I say dance songs, I mean
songs about actual dances. "The Madison
Time" got a second life when it was
featured in the John Waters' film, Hair
Spray. You can actually learn to do the
Madison just from listening to the lyrics.
Jr. Walker & The All-Stars'
"Shotgun" is probably the only song
that is so funky, it makes me wish I was
black. The sax solo alone is worth the price
of this disc. And I don't think any song says
"Here comes the Summer" more than
Archie Bell and the Drells "Tighten
Up." I like to do the "Tighten
Up" while I cook dinner. The Diamonds
sing "The Stroll" in the style of
Elvis Presley and "The Roach" is
particularly appropriate for Summer in New
York City. Of course, the ultimate
dance-party song is tagged on the end of
everything, Chubby Checker's "Limbo
Rock." If you play this record at your
Summer party, it will kick so much ass the
Police will probably come and shut you down.
Now, excuse me while I do that crazy Hand
Jive.
A Tale
of Two Howies
Howie isn't a
name people typically associate with suave
and sexy guys, but I can think of two Howies
who are all that and more. Both Howies are in
East Village-based bands that have major
label record deals. Both have dark hair and a
wicked fashion sensexboth are sexy as Hell.
The first Howie is the man of fire himself,
Howie Pyro, bassist for D Generation. Pyro is
like a New York punk rock god or something.
He's just everywhere. Pick up a book on NYC
punk and Pyro will be in there somewhere.
I've even seen his face on post cards. A lot
of press photos show him hiding behind dark
shades, but if you go to the Green Door Party
once a month at Coney Island High, you can
see him in the DJ booth and get a load of
what a total babe he is! Hoo Hah! But don't
get too excited girls, he's been married for
years.
The second
Howie is a sort of "Howie Come
Lately" by the name of Howie Statland.
Howie's band is called Thin Lizard Dawn, and
he plays guitar. Thin Lizard Dawn (who
coincidentally sing a song in which they
invoke the name of D Generation) are one of
New York's most entertaining and original
bands, but even if they sucked, Statland
would still be a total dream beau. Not since
Jim Morrison has a rock star looked so very
fine in leather trousers. Howie is not only
talented and gorgeous, he's also extremely
sweet, nice and funny.
He's almost
too perfect to really be a guy. I wasn't at
all surprised to find out Howie has a
beautiful blonde girlfriend. Sometimes, you
just can't get a break.
Gail's
Dating Tips
Nothing turns
a man on more than a woman who doesn't want
him. The Rules is a great book which
proves this point and delivers all kinds of
juicy tips on how to have a successful
relationship with a man. Written by Ellen
Fein and Sherri Schneider, two women who know
their shit when it comes to men, it is a must
read for every woman. The Rules has
gotten a bad rap in the media due to a belief
that it's all about playing head games and
not being yourself around men. This is just
stupid. While you will have to read The
Rules yourself in order to learn and
understand the subtle nuances of how to make
them work for you, the bottom line is The
Rules was written to keep women from making
two fatal mistakes with men: 1. Getting
involved with the wrong man; and 2. Getting
involved with the right man too fast, thus
scaring him off and blowing it. In other
words, in the Game of Love as in any game, The
Rules are there for your protection.
Here is my
real-life example: Last year I was dating a
man who seemed like Prince Charming. All was
rosy at first, but soon he started taking me
for granted and not treating me like the
goddess that I am. Instead of panicking,
calling him to ask what was wrong and, in
general, acting like an idiot, I read The
Rules. I then realized that if Mr.
Hotstuff was really the guy for me, he'd
pursue me and, if he wasn't interested,
chasing after him wasn't going to make any
difference. While it was painful to realize
Prince Charming was just a frog, I kept my
dignity and let it die a quick death instead
of torturing myself by "trying to make
it work." If every woman read and
followed The Rules, soon enough
they'd be obsolete because men would act
human. If you are in an unhappy relationship
and have not read The Rules, well, I
wish you luck.
