September 1996

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your interest in Pandomag.com.

We are very proud of our writing staff as they include the kindest, the most gifted, and the most amiable group of scribes who could be bought with less than money.

There are three prerequisites all Pandomag.com writers must possess:

1. You must know your name and the lyrics to "Happy Birthday." The regular "Happy Birthday" will do. You don't need to go granola on us and sing the Beatles' version. Similarly, your first name will do. We don't need to know middle and last monikers or nicknames. 

2. You must possess a third grade education or higher. Play it cool, kids, stay in school. I don't want to hear about any of you second graders quitting school to write for Pandemonium full time. An education comes first, at least three or four years of it. You've got the rest of your life to work, and while you may be a second grade hotshot, the real world is a cruel place, there are no guarantees, and you might not stick up here in the pros. Then where will you be? So, to be safe, finish your education, then go join the professionals.

 3. You must perceive the difference between Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass, and Alice'n Chains when they're really kickin' ass. I don't mean to chearlead for Alice or unnecessarily dis the Baja hornplayer, but there's a large musical and pop-cultural gap between them, and if you can't perceive it, perhaps irrelevant things ike literature or history are what should occupy your time. I may make an exception to this prerequsite if you can convince me on paper that there are truly no differences between the two.

If, after reading this, you decide you've got the right stuff and would like to write for Pandemonium Online, write to Pandomag@Rocketmail.com and send him a sample of your writing and a letter telling a little about your love for music.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Dave @ Pandemonium Online